Morning quick-jerk bus lurch and she gripping metal cold rail, thought running slip-slide down again to him him him, white shirt sleeves shove up elbow maybe or grey jumper itch at the neck, coffee steam cloud on lip—he’d puff puff, too hot always, secret breath quick hush—see it smell it taste it, gone now, nothing on the screen blank dumb light dead stone, why not him answering, why silence, why?

Thursday bakery maybe, crooked wood sign, nine past ten rye loaf he buys, she could cross by, heel click pavement, oh hello there what a chance—never, never only faces blur umbrellas turn inside-out rain slant collar trickle wet, him not there, never him. Desk maybe neat square papers, finger tap tap not her, name gone untyped, her gone.

Too much she said? too plain love shown open raw wound shining, maybe fright, maybe dullness—what was it, what? Café window steam smear, inside heads bent spoon clink not him not him only her looking.

Map in her head tracing his feet, train time 7:52, lunch 12:15, steps across street red light green flash, never crossing hers, lines lines lines that run beside and never touch, cruel joke it is. Nail bite palm press hard sting—yes here I am, flesh still here, heart beat still tick-tick, waiting waiting for crack in silence stone wall never break, never.